


Anytime, In My Head

by BeNotAfeard



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 16:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeNotAfeard/pseuds/BeNotAfeard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard didn’t say anything, just stood in the doorway shivering. Then, he sniffed pathetically, and his eyes filled with fresh tears. Frank held his arms out, and Gerard walked into them without a word, resting his head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank could feel him shaking with silent tears, and tried to calm the panicky feeling in his stomach, the concern he was feeling for his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anytime, In My Head

Frank was in his room, plucking the strings of his guitar randomly and trying not to think about the fact that it was a Friday night and he had nothing to do, when the doorbell rang. He frowned; his Mom was staying with his Grandma for the night, and he wasn’t expecting anyone. He considered ignoring it, but a few seconds later it rang again, loud and insistent.

Frank groaned, and pulled himself to his feet and down the stairs. He opened the door, fully prepared to bitch out whoever was calling for being rude, and didn’t they know that his _Mom wasn’t home –_ and then stopped.

Gerard was standing in the doorway, his face streaked with tears, his expression the epitome of misery. He was wearing his leather jacket and tight black pants - the one’s Frank didn’t let himself think about too hard when he was with company – so Frank knew that he’d been out, that he hadn’t come from home.

“What’s – what’s happened?” Frank asked. He hated seeing Gerard looking so upset.

Gerard didn’t say anything, just stood in the doorway shivering. Then, he sniffed pathetically, and his eyes filled with fresh tears. Frank held his arms out, and Gerard walked into them without a word, resting his head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank could feel him shaking with silent tears, and tried to calm the panicky feeling in his stomach, the concern he was feeling for his best friend.

“Shh, Gee, it’s okay,” Frank murmured, running his hand though Gerard’s hair, “Come on in, come upstairs.”

He shut the door behind Gerard and helped him up the stairs to Frank’s bedroom. Was Gerard drunk? He didn’t seem so, but why else would he be leaning so heavily against Frank, as if he’d fall without Frank’s support?

Frank sat Gerard down on his bed and wiped the tears off his face with his thumbs, before sitting down next to him.

“Tell me what happened.”

Gerard rested his head on Frank’s shoulder again, and took a shuddery breath. Frank wrapped his arm around Gerard and rubbed his shoulder slowly, trying really hard not to freak out. Had something happened to Mikey? Or Gerard’s parents?

“It – it’s Bert.”

Frank’s hand froze on Gerard’s arm and he tried to repress a scowl at the mention of Gerard’s boyfriend. He wasn’t jealous. That totally wasn’t the issue. Bert was a dick, that was all, and Frank thought that his friend deserved to be with someone nicer, someone less dick-ish. Someone like him.

Okay, maybe he was slightly jealous.

 “Is he okay? Did something happen to him?” Frank hated the kid, but Gerard was clearly upset, and if it was because something had happened to Bert, then Frank would have to sympathise.

“He’s _fine_.” Gerard sniffed, a bitter undercurrent to his voice, “He’s having a _dandy_ time right now. Dandy.”  Frank frowned, not even commenting on Gerard’s choice of words – _dandy? Seriously?_ Gerard couldn’t mean… Bert hadn’t…

“What did he do?” Frank asked in a low voice.

 _Do not get angry. He hasn’t said it yet. Do not get angry._

“He. He,” Gerard made a pitiful sound and buried his face in Frank’s chest, “You – you know what I’m saying. With – with Quinn. I saw them.”

“Oh, Gerard,” Frank said, pulling Gerard closer to him and trying to control his breathing.

Bert had cheated on Gerard? _Cheated on him?_ Frank clenched his jaw; how could he do something like that? Frank would give anything – _anything_ – to be in Bert’s position, and Bert had just – Frank tried to stop his fists from shaking. He was so. pissed.

“Frank, are – are you okay?” Gerard was looking up at him, aware that Frank had stopped moving.

“What an asshole.” Frank’s voice came out low and intense. Gerard flinched, and Frank tried again to calm himself down.

“No one should do something like that, to anyone, Gee,” he said, “He- he didn’t deserve you.”

“But –” Gerard didn’t seem to know what to say, he just looked at Frank with wide eyes, cloudy with tears and pain, “It, it _hurts_ , Frank.”

“I know it does, Gee, I know,” Frank pulled away from Gerard and grasped his hands, “But he wasn’t good enough for you. You must know that. The guy was a dick!”

Gerard looked down at their clasped hands, “He – he was. He wanted me,” he said lamely, “That’s more than anyone else did.”

“That’s not true,” Frank protested. This was hurting his heart. _I want you!_ He wanted to scream it out, but knew that this wasn’t the time or place.

“It is true,” Gerard’s voice was bordering hysterical, tears falling thick and fast, “No one cares. I’m – I’m going to end up alone.”

“Gerard, you’re being ridiculous,” Frank tried to reason, “You’re not going to end up alone. And lots of people care. Mikey cares. I care. The people that matter. _Bert doesn’t matter_ , Gerard. If he was stupid enough to cheat on you then he didn’t deserve you anyway.”

Gerard had stopped crying, and was staring at Frank, with something on his face that could resemble hope.

“Did you say anything to him?” Frank asked quietly.

Gerard’s expression turned dark, “I didn’t want to interrupt them.” He said bitterly, “I – I just left, and I – I didn’t know where to go. So I came here. I knew you’d make me feel better.”

Frank gripped Gerard’s hand tighter. Gerard glanced at their hands, then back up to Frank’s face, shuffling closer.

“I want to feel better.”

His voice was low, and quiet, and Frank had to lean closer to catch what Gerard was saying. Something passed across Gerard’s face, an emotion that was gone before Frank could read it. When Gerard spoke again, his voice was so soft, barely a whisper.

“Make me feel better, Frankie.”

Frank barely had time to process the sentence before Gerard’s lips were on his, pulling him closer and kissing him desperately. Frank’s hand instinctively cupped Gerard’s face, kissing him back, because – _kissing!_ Gerard was kissing him. Frank had been waiting for _years_ for this moment – but then froze, as the situation caught up with him, and he realised how unstable Gerard was at the moment. He pulled back reluctantly.

“Gerard, we can’t. No.”

Gerard followed his mouth, catching it again with his own, crawling on top of Frank.

“It’s okay,” he murmured against Frank’s lips, “It’s okay, I need it. I need to.”

“Gerard!” Frank pushed Gerard off him and scrambled backwards, towards the headboard of his bed. Gerard needed _it._ It, not him. This wasn’t about Frank. This was about Gerard and his desperate need to be wanted.

“That’s not fair, Gerard. You can’t do that. I’m – I’m not someone you can do that with,” Frank pleaded, trying to get Gerard to understand how unfair it was. He didn’t know if Gerard knew how Frank felt about him – at this point, Frank didn’t think it would matter either way. Gerard wanted to feel loved, and Frank was there to provide that feeling.

Gerard’s expression softened, and he moved closer to Frank again, “It’s fine, Frankie,” he murmured, running his hand up Frank’s arms, “I want to – it’s fine.”

 _Yeah, but you don’t want me_ , Frank wanted to say. There was a difference. But Gerard wasn’t listening anymore – he leaned over Frank and pressed their lips together again.

Frank tried to protest, he really did. But this was _Gerard_ , and Gerard was _kissing_ him, and – Frank only had so much willpower. He knew it wasn’t right, and he knew how much this was going to hurt afterwards… but he still wrapped his arms around Gerard and opened his mouth, letting Gerard enter.

The feel of Gerard’s tongue wrapping around his own was enough to make Frank moan. The kiss was hard, dirty – nothing sweet or gentle about it. This was all wrong, but Frank couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He ran his hands down Gerard’s back and over his ass, and Gerard moaned into Frank’s mouth.

Frank could feel Gerard’s cock pressing against thigh, could feel how hard he was. Gerard pulled his mouth away from Frank’s and down the side of his neck, biting sharply, causing Frank to cry out. Gerard licked and sucked over the bite mark, and Frank’s cry caught in his throat. He was _so fucking turned on_ , he couldn’t think straight.

“Frank,” Gerard murmured against Frank’s neck, “Frank, Frankie…”

Frank pulled Gerard slightly up his body so that their cocks were aligned, and they both gasped at the friction. _Fuck_ , that felt good. Gerard began rocking his hips, his face still buried in Frank’s neck, and Frank matched his rhythm, feeling his stomach tightening. He wasn’t going to last much longer, he could tell, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Gerard, even if it was just to pull down his pants. Instead, he gripped him closer, his head tipping back.

“Fuck, Gee – I. _Fuck_ ,” Gerard started to suck on Frank’s neck again, and that was it, Frank was gone. His orgasm hit him like a train, and he knew that he must be pulling a ridiculous expression, but he didn’t care, all he could think about was Gerard, _Gerard_ …

Gerard’s breath hitched a moment later, and Frank knew that he was coming too, his face buried in Frank’s shoulder. They came down together, breathing heavily. Frank felt like pure bliss; he couldn’t remember anything ever feeling that good. _Ever._

Then Gerard rolled off him and stared at the ceiling.

“Um, Gee?” Frank asked quietly, turning to face Gerard. Gerard wouldn’t look at him. Frank could feel the happy feeling in his stomach fading away quickly.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Gerard whispered, more to himself than anyone else.

Frank felt his stomach drop. He _knew_ this would happen. He knew he shouldn’t have let Gerard go through with it.

“I – I’m sorry, Gee,” Frank said, feeling a lump appear in his throat.

Gerard looking at him sharply, “Why – why are you sorry?” His face became alarmed, “No! No, Frank – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

Frank frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I – ” Fuck, was Gerard tearing up? “I’m such a bad friend. I – I was upset. I shouldn’t have done that – please. Please don’t hate me.” His voice trailed off to no more than a whisper.

He stared at Frank, and looked so sad, so miserable, that Frank felt his heart break.

“C’mere, Gee,” he said softly, pulling Gerard to his feet, “Forget about it. Let’s sleep now.”

He undressed Gerard carefully, who just stood there, pliant, and let him, and then threw him a clean pair of boxers, turning around as Gerard pulled them on. He changed himself, then moved walked back over to Gerard and pulled him into a hug. He wasn’t sure if it should be awkward, him and Gerard, pressed against each other, wearing only boxers, but it didn’t feel so.

Gerard wrapped both of his arms around Frank’s shoulders.

“It’s okay, Gee,” Frank repeated softly, “Forget about everything. Forget about Bert. Forget about me. Let’s just sleep.”

He turned off his light, and pulled Gerard under the covers with him. Gerard immediately tuned his face into Frank’s neck and wrapped his arm over Frank’s chest. Frank ran his hand through Gerard’s hair comfortingly.

Gerard mumbled something into Frank’s shoulder.

“What was that, Gee?”

“I don’t want to forget about you,” Gerard repeated quietly.

“Then don’t,” Frank soothed. Gerard needed to sleep. They could talk about this tomorrow, when Gerard had a clear head, “Just sleep.”

Gerard settled closer to Frank, and his breathing quietened down. Frank thought he’d nodded off to sleep, when Gerard spoke again, softly.

“Love you, Frankie.”

“What?” Frank asked, sure he’d misheard. Gerard didn’t say anything, and Frank realised from his even breathing that this time he actually was asleep.

Frank pressed a kiss to Gerard’s forehead and sighed. He didn’t know if that actually was what Gerard had said. He didn’t know what Gerard meant by saying it. But lying there, with Gerard wrapped around him, he could pretend, could believe that Gerard had just confessed his love for Frank, imagine that Frank’s feelings were returned. That tonight would be the first of many.

Anything else could wait till morning.

 

Originally posted[ here](http://misslucythenerd.livejournal.com/19929.html#cutid1) if anyone wants to comment or critique :)

 


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